So hey everyone!
I have tried to write a diary several times and me being the type of person that I am gave up on that after one day. I just think it's kinda lame. (I'm sorry to everyone that does actually write a diary. It's just not for me.) I know that it's a great way to get things out and that when you look back on it when you're old it can teach you a lot of things but I just don't get it. So I thought that maybe I could write it here. Then it sort of has a purpose because somebody might read it. I don't know if that makes any sense but I hope you get me.
Lately I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping and when I have trouble sleeping I think. I just think and think and think. The most common topic I think about is that I am only one girl in billions. I am one person living in New Zealand with some great friends and a family. I have an awesome life but I can't help but think that it doesn't really matter because I am only one person. Like if I die tomorrow (hopefully I don't) only a handful of people would be affected but the rest of the world would keep going the same as always. I don't know why that scares me but it does. A lot. I don't really know exactly how to explain it but I want to make a difference to the world. I want to leave some sort of postive mark even if it is small. I want to be remembered not just by my parents and my friends who will then also die and then I'll be forgotten but by a larger part of the world. I want my story or my life to somehow teach there's something or affect others somehow. Okay this is making me sound like some sort of sycho that's desperate for attention. Trust me I'm not. I just want to try and make this world a better place. I don't know how yet but I will. Even if I am just one girl in billions.
Another part of only being one teenage girl in heaps is that I always think about all the things I haven't seen and all the people I haven't met. New Zealand is so small and you can almost live as if there is nothing else out there. I know that there are heaps of starvation problems all over the world but how can I really sympathise if I've never actually seen it. I know that Ebola is killing heaps of people that really don't deserve to die even if they are only one person. But how can I make a difference when I'm only one person. It just scares me, the concept of being this tiny little speck that can just be smudged out or erased. That my life really doesn't matter. It's has no meaning.
I have no idea if any of that made sense or if normal 14 year old girls think things like that but I have to admit that it does help to write it out. So anyway if anyone is reading this, I hope you have a lovely day.
Bye!
❤️
